All that I thought I knew didn’t mean very much because what my mind knew wasn’t telling my heart. My heart had issues with what God had planned. I am still trying to gather all that worked. My dreams were shaken for several reasons.
Love was a huge distraction… but now I am able to rediscover who I am and who I can be. I feel free. Finally free to do what I need to and what is possible. When I left college, I felt like anything was possible. That scared me so much. When your boundaries are endless and nonexistent, well I wasn’t okay with that. I thought I needed to be closed in. I thought I needed to be put into a box and all that I think God wanted me to realize was that I just needed to be anchored to Him and Him alone. If I put God in the center of my life and keep that energy going whole heartily than God would always steer me in the right direction. That was the problem. I feared what I didn’t know.
I feared the possibilities. I know that sounds insane but when you don’t know what you are capable of and better yet no one else around you to tell you what you can’t do well it makes things difficult. Difficult because when you have no standards, nothing to measure yourself against, you look for something, anything to measure. So you can’t tell the difference between the negative nor the positive. Each fleeting moment is hard because if you are surrounded by negative people telling you what you are doing is pointless then by default you are thinking it is pointless. Then on the other hand if you are surrounded by positive people you are uplifted by whatever task is at hand.
So rather than either be true, I want to challenge myself to my possibility. Rather than seek what is right or wrong, what is possible or isn’t possible, I need to lead my heart. My mind which if I must say is very smart and knows how to reason very well knows the difference between right and wrong. But my heart, it plays tricks and can mislead into doing irrational things that can have very dangerous effects later on. Part of that I credited to being a woman. Women are emotional and we think with our hearts way too often than we should. My heart wants to believe that things will just work it self out. My heart thinks that life can be a dream and all things will magically align themselves together. My mind knows better.
Do I believe in fate? Yes, to a certain point. The reason for this is because I believe that God’s plans are immovable. His plans are steady and certain. However, we must align ourselves with that plan. We have to cross over… literally move ourselves to point B to point A and get ourselves in tuned with what God has planned for us. That is the hardest thing to do when your heart is leading you. Your heart is telling you in a way to not take steps. Your heart is telling you to stay still… that things will just naturally happen. But that is so not true.
So I am going to let my mind lead.... it is going to get my butt into gear. Writing your own destiny is far more desirable than letting fate take control. Here's to me feeling like there's nothing I can't try.
