In time we all come to moments where we question everything that we once knew and where we are going. I just imagine that life is always this complicated. Complicated because of the daily choices that may seem so simple can eventually castrophically change our lives. It makes me think of how connected and intertwined we all are. This has been my first blog for at least 5 months.... and there's a lot a reasons for that. One I haven't felt inspired to write, which is honestly odd for me. I have written of course on myspace and on facebook but I tend to leave this blog for things that are worth keeping around. Things that I would like to keep to be able to reflect where I have come from and seen where I am going.
And maybe that's just it, since before May I haven't been going anywhere until this past week. A lot of things happened to get me to this point, I had to give up my cell phone... so that took the majority of "distractions" in my life, then I got a new job which I don't start till Monday and think that is why I am writing now.
My life hasn't been the same since I graduated school. I always want to reflect on the amazing friends I had. Because even till this day, they are the most amazing people that have been in my life. My friends have all played a role in my life... and I am having hard time not wanting that still. Katie has and will probably always be my best friend. I pray for the days that we get to spend time together. She's only an hour away right now but it sucks that we don't get to go to our 3am trips to Wal-mart together (which we always did in school). My girls Brianna, Tami, Liz, Lynn, Maria and the one guy of our group Nick. We had a blast together. Tami will always be one of the best girls in my life. She always made me feel like I was this bright shiny light, like my worth was so valuable to this world and the impact I could make was endless. Liz always made me want to live for more. She drew out strength from me that I never thought I had. Lynn, precious beautiful Lynn. She reminds me of how wonderful God is. How He can created so much power in the depths of one's soul. She isn't the best but she shines just the same. It's like you get to see God in her. He amplifies how amazing she is. It's hard to explain. Nick has rocked my world. He still does. Probably one of the few guys I let fall asleep in my bed and it didn't matter that the bed was too small for both of us. Lol. He's been one of those that my soul has connected with only because we agree much on love. He let me feel like I wasn't the one going crazy or maybe that we were just crazy together. We always said we were the glue to the group and neither of us figured out why. My beautiful Bri... she is still passionately playing a vivid role in my life. She's made me calm. Never lacking the sense to claim the waves that bother me and bring sense to it all. She knows of all the drama in my life but chooses to say the words that make me feel like it is going to be better than okay.
Katie my best friend. She's my alter-ego. Always being that spunky girl I wish I could be. I'll never be as beautiful as she is but yet she lets know that the world has always been at my fingertips. She never fails to drive me crazy and light up my life. She is the only one that has seen me at my worse. I'm sure she doesn't have a clue of all the times she has been there for me. The one moment that stands out in my mind is when just everything in my life had come to a breaking point. She was just driving, we stopped a red light (with no cars around for miles -it was of course in the middle of the night) and I just started crying. She put the car into park and didn't say anything. She just let me cry because without me saying a word, she knew what was in my heart. After the light had changed several times (still thankfully no other cars), she was like Kat, you got it all out. With tears still wet on my face, I said ya. And then she continued on our drive back home. Later of course she asked what my crying was all about only because she knew only then did I want to talk about it. Like I said, she's my best friend. And of course that is only one of the moments. Eternally she will be my soulmate and I hope my future husband understands me as well (if not hopefully more) as she does.
And that's just it, I have been so blessed by what these people have done in my life. It's hard to move on from that when no one here has touched my life so powerfully. But I think that's because I've been scared. Really scared. That isn't meant to discredited certain new people in my life. Like Michael and Robert. Though of course neither will be my Katie but that's a good thing. Michael has the potential to give the world a gift that only he can give. I am truly certain that God is going to use him in this magically way that is nothing short of marvelous. Why you ask because in my eyes I can see the unseen in him. God always says don't look and the seen but look for the unseen. Michael is truly this. I don't think that he realizes that he lights up a room without being there because his life echoes. He is missed when he's not present and I know that he never knows about that. Hence I know that the choices he makes (which in my eyes are pretty damn awesome), well he'll make an impact on this world. I know he has made an impact on me. And Robert. He doesn't know how special he is and how much he drives me crazy. The patience that he possess impresses me so much. And to a point shows me this kindness of his heart that he won't ever begin to admit that he has. He doesn't get credit for what he does have but I think it has to start with him. And like I said he drives me crazy because for a guy he is more complex than what I could imagine but there is this depth to his soul that is truly remarkable and I have been blessed that he has shared his path with me.
So like I said, I am blessed but without a doubt it is hard to let go. I don't know if things will be the same but maybe I can sit and marvel at what the Lord has done.
