God will be my strength.

Life royally sucks for every good person that is out there. I wish I could tell them everything was going to be okay. I wish I could take their pain away. This world royally sucks and the sad thing is it is only going to get worse. Young men shouldn't be crying like this and feeling grief, sorrow and anguish like this. I only know that God hears the groans of everyone that misses her and everyone that's praying for those who miss her. I just wish I had words to tell them to make things a little bit better. Just a little bit better.

I know I have my faith. God promised He would be my strength and He's keeping me strong. I know that He promised there would be a way when there is no way. So I pray that the police find who killed her. God said not to lean on my own understanding but to lean on His so I hope that one day we all will understand what happened. God promised that the Love of Christ could never be separated so I pray that everyone under this feels God's love right now.

I will keep praying because that is the only thing I am sure of right now.

Being misunderstood

Misunderstood By Wideawake

under the surface
we're all the same
searching for purpose
running from shame
I'm sorry I'm not all the things that you want
all the things that you thought i would be
i guess im not like you,
not something you're used to
maybe something brand new
you've never seen

i wish i could read your mind,
be one of your kind,
i missed you in my time, misunderstood
i wish i could somehow be
all that you want from me,
I' m in good company

I got your letter, but tell me who's to blame,
and do you feel better, causing me pain?
So much pain.
I'm sorry I'm not all the things that you want
all the things that you thought i would be.
I guess im not like you,
not something you're used too.
maybe something brand new you've never seen.

I wish i could read your mind, be one of your kind.
I missed you in my time- misunderstood.
I wish i could somehow be all that you want from me.
I'm in good company- misunderstood. Misunderstood.
I kinda wish that i could be understood.

I'm sorry im not all the things that you want,
all the things that you thought i would be.
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

I wish i could read your mind, be one of your kind,
i missed you in my time- misunderstood.
i wish i could somehow be all that you want from me.
im in good company- misunderstood. Misunderstood.
I wish that i could be understood.

Under the surface- we're all the same

I wish I had heard this song years ago. It is a song by Wideawake and if you go on their website is is available to listen to. www.wideawake.com I can't tell you enough how this lyrics could be the athem to my life. It truly explains my life... and obviously, I'm not the only one that has felt this way. If life is meant to be this way, and God is the only one that will "understand" me... then what else am I searching for. God is suppose to be enough. Enough joy, enough life, enough peace... enough love.

But I know that God wants to use each of us to be an extension of who He is. If we can truly reflect God, then perhaps "all the things that I will be" will still be misunderstood but I could find peace in that. God told us that we could never comprehend Him. So in relation to that maybe there is a part of us that we will never be able to comprehend since we are created in His image. For "under the surface- we're all the same", we were made by the same creator by the same awesome God. Uniquely designed yet still reflecting Him.

So I can't wait for the day that I will be His kind until then... "I wish I could read your mind, be one your kind". Truly belonging to Him and only Him... even if it means being misunderstood.

Bruised and broken... and the Beauty of It

For the first time, I don't know exactly what to write. Normally I write whatever is on my heart or in my life but honestly both are broken right now. Very broken. I'm sitting here wanting and wishing for more.

I think that just may be the problem. I know that in my life I want everything to perfect especially me. I want the right friends, the right schedule, the right attitude, the right life.... Well, maybe if I was sooo perfect- that would be the major problem. See, there is beauty that I think only God can truly see when we are not so perfect. When we are truly bruised and broken, we finally allow God to fix us. There is a true beauty that is amazing when we stop reflecting ourselves and reflect God. There's a saying I always say, less of me means more of Him. Well, if my heart and my life were so perfect then they wouldn't be His. We are God's kids because we're bruised and broken. But in the same way that Christ became bruised and broken... the beauty is that God does "fix" us. We don't have to be bruised and broken. And if we are, there is beauty in it because then that means we not only need God but we desire Him. Now don't get me wrong, it is of course better to want a relationship to be perfect with no problems and no pain. But having a saved relationship that has gone through problems and pain and yet restored itself is just as wonderful. Just as beautiful.

So I'll take this bruised and broken time as another time to restore me to my first beauty. I, after all, am created in His Image, God's Image and there's nothing more beautiful than that. So here's to being God's bruised and broken kid, the beautiful people.