A little direction for my searching

My life, once again, is filled with drama. Thankfully, not my drama, but for everyone else. A friend, or so she says, keeps telling me that I am making bad choices, and that my other friends are making bad choices too. I just looked at her. She also told me that she saw potential in me and that my friends, the ones that know both sides of me, are going down a path of bad choices. I thought to myself- what makes you think that I am so much better than them. Or worse, what makes her so much better than them and me that she can sit there and judge. Just because someone makes a bad choice, doesn't make them bad. We are all sinners. We all fall short of the glory of God! None of us are perfect and that includes her and me. I don't understand this at all. Perfection is something that we will never achieve. We will continue to make bad choices, whether lots or little of them, we still will. However for me personally, I will still strive to be like Jesus, the only perfect one that has walked on this earth. My bad choices no matter how many of them will never separate me from the love of God, and if God forgives me, and doesn't see that sin anym0re - than who am I (or anyone else for that matter) to look upon sin and not forgive. Evil follows me just as I am sure that it follows everyone else. Some choose to join it, some choose to ignore it, and some choose to fight it. I must admit I sometimes ignore evil and sometimes I fight it. But I will never join it. I will never pass judgment because only God is that only. I may be searching for who I am, but I know who God is and I know if I keep my eyes on him then my life is in the right direction. God's direction.

Is it the means or the result?

Why is it that so many people don't understand me? Out of all of my friends, two know the real me. My family doesn't even know the real me. Why is that?
I am currently reading a book that is asking me to question Who I am? Not what I do, or what I like, or even what I believe in. That's just it-I am having a hard time dealing with this question because after all, the actions someone takes defines a person. If you like to read, that means you are a reader. If you write, then you are a writer. But this book is telling me no that, this doesn't count. I don't know. I guess maybe the reason why it seems that few really understand me is because at times I don't understand myself.
The things that I know intrinsically about myself are far different than how I act. I believe in love but I haven't had the chance to love yet. I believe in strength that has no boundaries but I set up walls all the time. I know I seem like a sad person but there is joy that I find in the world every day.
The other question I am having is that if there is so much evil in the world than why should Christians fight so hard knowing full well that evil will win every day that we live and knowing that Good will overcome all in the end. If what we do, really doesn't make a difference in the end then should be believe that the means of what we do matters. For example, if we tell the truth but want to tell a lie then as Christians this was wrong because we believe in the means not the end. Just a thought. That's all this is. Just my thoughts.

I am searching

I admit that the Lord is Lord of my life. But I often take it back, very often. So I am searching every day to hear his voice except I keep failing to see Him in the unseen but rather I try to see Him in the things that are in plain view. There is quote that says that, "When it is dark, you see the stars". This is obvious but somehow I keep forgetting that God is there in the mist of everything. Just because the sun is shinning, or it is a cloudy night, doesn't mean the stars magically disappear. This is my start to challenge myself to be accountable to what I say, do, and act and whether or not I really am being the Lord's child. Here is the start to really confront because sadly it has to be me and no one else. Here's to the search...